First of all, it should not be a central focus of any child - raising to avoid potential addictions. Raising a child should instead be about balanced development.
When it comes to addictions, the question of predisposing factors comes into play. The factor of regular endorphin production in children appears on the list of things that may potentially affect an individual's addictive-ness.
Endorphins are largely a pain-killer, so they support childhood processes of exploration and help kids get out of pain and upset really fast. They help kids keep going with their exploration activities, rather than drowning in fear or other negative responses.
If a kid’s brain produces a little less endorphin, could we find some corrective measures without jumping to medications too fast?
My thought went to traditional family roles, because they might help boost this naturally. Could mother and father add ‘quality time’ with their children that noticeably adds to brain development and endorphin production?
We are talking here about both – physical pain and psychological support:
Parental Support:
1. Being physically present for the child during processing, and also being emotionally present at the same time. If you do not ‘attend’, you do not reach. This is an emotional and energetic connection that comes without words, and it is not easy to put into words.
The developing coping neurological system in children is not sufficient to process life events on its own. Parents, by attending to their children, become a mature presence, acting as an ‘extension’ —a mechanism kids can rely on in the moment, and learn from in the long run to emotionally regulate themselves.
2. To be psychologically present to anybody, including your child, requires a parent to be psychologically present to THEMSELVES. And if you did not grow up in a remotely functional family, you may face difficulties with that. Attending to yourself is a skill, and any skill can be developed. It is called – working on yourself. Working with your internal world through therapy, coaching, training, contemplation, or meditation. Getting closer to yourself allows you to get closer to your child.
I once heard this opinion, and it stuck with me – kids do not grow up to what you tell them to be; they grow up into WHO YOU ARE. If you want them to change or grow into something particular – you need to work on yourself and BECOME THAT. Get psychologically healthier, and you will become the right kind of mirror and the right kind of shield for your children.
Once we, as parents, are able to attend to our children physically and psychologically, that’s already a huge positive dose of nurturing and investment.
Is there a layer missing? Let’s see…
I want to add a spiritual layer to it. I learned it in India from one of the monks I went to listen to. He said – you only need to do three things with your child on a daily basis for them to have a reasonably functional life:
1. Eat with your kids.
2. Play with your kids.
3. Pray with your kids.
Sounds simple? It looks like there's no space for addictions left!
Let me explain it through the lens of relationships:
1. When you EAT with your kids – you cover the level of the physical body – their relationship with their body. Physical presence builds trust in the body.
2. When you PLAY with your kids – you cover the level of their soul – relationships with other souls. Playing time fosters the bonds and connections.
3. When you PRAY with your kids – you cover the level of their spirit – relationships with the Ultimate Spirit – the Lord, the Creator. Prayer and meditation help them build faith and trust in life itself.
This is ultimately the only useful recipe I have for raising children, but it seems to cover a lot!
Children turn to addictions to FILL THE VOID. If there is no void and other things fill their life, there is very little space, and very little chance to fall onto the addictions path.
A positive side effect of this approach is also that the parent participating in the daily EAT-PLAY-PRAY practice will suddenly find themselves… a little more grounded, healthier, and … HAPPIER!
Practicing this also provides mutual memories – a lifetime ‘warehouse’ of positive ‘core memories’ that your child can rely on in moments of adversity. And it fills yours, as a parent, too. This practice is all-round positive!
Let’s try it out; both science and spirituality back it up. Why not?!
When it comes to addictions, the question of predisposing factors comes into play. The factor of regular endorphin production in children appears on the list of things that may potentially affect an individual's addictive-ness.
Endorphins are largely a pain-killer, so they support childhood processes of exploration and help kids get out of pain and upset really fast. They help kids keep going with their exploration activities, rather than drowning in fear or other negative responses.
If a kid’s brain produces a little less endorphin, could we find some corrective measures without jumping to medications too fast?
My thought went to traditional family roles, because they might help boost this naturally. Could mother and father add ‘quality time’ with their children that noticeably adds to brain development and endorphin production?
We are talking here about both – physical pain and psychological support:
Parental Support:
1. Being physically present for the child during processing, and also being emotionally present at the same time. If you do not ‘attend’, you do not reach. This is an emotional and energetic connection that comes without words, and it is not easy to put into words.
The developing coping neurological system in children is not sufficient to process life events on its own. Parents, by attending to their children, become a mature presence, acting as an ‘extension’ —a mechanism kids can rely on in the moment, and learn from in the long run to emotionally regulate themselves.
2. To be psychologically present to anybody, including your child, requires a parent to be psychologically present to THEMSELVES. And if you did not grow up in a remotely functional family, you may face difficulties with that. Attending to yourself is a skill, and any skill can be developed. It is called – working on yourself. Working with your internal world through therapy, coaching, training, contemplation, or meditation. Getting closer to yourself allows you to get closer to your child.
I once heard this opinion, and it stuck with me – kids do not grow up to what you tell them to be; they grow up into WHO YOU ARE. If you want them to change or grow into something particular – you need to work on yourself and BECOME THAT. Get psychologically healthier, and you will become the right kind of mirror and the right kind of shield for your children.
Once we, as parents, are able to attend to our children physically and psychologically, that’s already a huge positive dose of nurturing and investment.
Is there a layer missing? Let’s see…
I want to add a spiritual layer to it. I learned it in India from one of the monks I went to listen to. He said – you only need to do three things with your child on a daily basis for them to have a reasonably functional life:
1. Eat with your kids.
2. Play with your kids.
3. Pray with your kids.
Sounds simple? It looks like there's no space for addictions left!
Let me explain it through the lens of relationships:
1. When you EAT with your kids – you cover the level of the physical body – their relationship with their body. Physical presence builds trust in the body.
2. When you PLAY with your kids – you cover the level of their soul – relationships with other souls. Playing time fosters the bonds and connections.
3. When you PRAY with your kids – you cover the level of their spirit – relationships with the Ultimate Spirit – the Lord, the Creator. Prayer and meditation help them build faith and trust in life itself.
This is ultimately the only useful recipe I have for raising children, but it seems to cover a lot!
Children turn to addictions to FILL THE VOID. If there is no void and other things fill their life, there is very little space, and very little chance to fall onto the addictions path.
A positive side effect of this approach is also that the parent participating in the daily EAT-PLAY-PRAY practice will suddenly find themselves… a little more grounded, healthier, and … HAPPIER!
Practicing this also provides mutual memories – a lifetime ‘warehouse’ of positive ‘core memories’ that your child can rely on in moments of adversity. And it fills yours, as a parent, too. This practice is all-round positive!
Let’s try it out; both science and spirituality back it up. Why not?!