On one of the trainings for coaches I attended, one participant coach said – “ ‘Fit’ with a client for me is this nice warm feeling I am experiencing.” Well, I hate to give you a wake-up call, but sociopaths can give you a very ‘good, nice warm feeling’, until they don’t. In my opinion, a single overall feeling is not enough.
Everyone is looking for this elusive ‘fit’ everywhere now. Hiring processes look for a ‘fit’ in candidates. Clients are looking for a ‘fit’ in suppliers. Service providers are looking for a ‘fit’ in clients.
‘Fit’ is rarely defined or standardized, or even contemplated. But it is so often used for declining somebody, dismissing something, or withdrawing from somewhere.
What is this magical ‘fit’ everyone is looking for, but few dare to verbalize to create some kind of debatable picture?
I developed a fairly clear (for me), rather technical model of what ‘fit’ is between me and my clients. And if only one element of it is missing, I consider it not a fit. Feel free to take it or leave it, or adopt it for your work with all necessary adjustments.
‘Fit’ between a client and me, as a coach, in my work consists of three necessary parts:
1. If my client can mostly be himself or herself and not flinch in the coaching process. If they can show up in the process and are not forced to ‘hide’ the parts of themselves. In other words, can I hear a rather confident ‘Yes’ to the question – ‘Can you be yourself?’
2. If I can be mostly myself, and not flinch at my client, and step into my ‘powers’ as a coach to be fully present. In other words, can I give a confident ‘Yes’ to the question “Can I be myself with this client?”
3. The vision, or the goal, or the agenda the client brings to the coaching process - do I believe in it? Can I support it? And if my inner feeling goes ‘Nah, not in this lifetime will you see that happening’, then I must have the integrity to send this client to a place where they can be believed in. Because I will never allow myself to shatter anybody’s dreams. If I don’t believe in their agenda, I need to send them somewhere where they will get that faith in them. That is professional integrity for me.
The baseline for working with a client becomes more grounding with these conditions met:
- Can they be themselves?
- Can I be myself and present?
- Do I believe in their vision?
And if only one of these is not met, then the baseline is not established, and the process will likely be wrong for both parties.
One coach once said: “If you are dragging yourself through working with them at the introduction session, you will be dragging yourself through working with them throughout the entire process. Don’t accept that client.”
This framework isn’t just for coaches - it’s equally vital for clients to evaluate their side of the equation.
The question of ‘fit’ is MORE critical to the client, because they come into the process to grow. The coach/therapist BY DEFAULT carries MORE responsibility and is demanded MORE INTEGRITY in acknowledging these aspects and not wasting the client’s time.
And this is why:
A therapist/coach has MANY clients; these relationships are PROFESSIONALLY special, but not personally. In other words, a client is one of many for a therapist/coach.
On the contrary, for a client, relationships with a coach/therapist are professional, but also DEEPER on the personal level. There is more ‘investment’ on the client’s side. A client typically has ONE therapist/coach, so it is MORE critical to make the right choice.
It is more critical for clients to make the right choice, because it will affect their personal development. It is a little less important for a therapist.
I offer those who are looking for a coach/therapist to take this same ‘fit’ model and apply it from your end to the therapist/coach when you are making your choices.
As a client, you need to define these three parameters before you decide to work with a coach or a therapist:
1. Do you feel that you can be ‘yourself’ in this process? Can you show up with all your parts most of the time?
2. Do you feel that the therapist/coach you are exploring can be themselves with you?
3. Do you feel that your vision, goals, or agenda are believed in and supported?
It all comes back to self-awareness and taking responsibility. I hope this will help people on both sides of the equation to make better choices, exercise more integrity, and form productive coaching and therapeutic relationships.
Everyone is looking for this elusive ‘fit’ everywhere now. Hiring processes look for a ‘fit’ in candidates. Clients are looking for a ‘fit’ in suppliers. Service providers are looking for a ‘fit’ in clients.
‘Fit’ is rarely defined or standardized, or even contemplated. But it is so often used for declining somebody, dismissing something, or withdrawing from somewhere.
What is this magical ‘fit’ everyone is looking for, but few dare to verbalize to create some kind of debatable picture?
I developed a fairly clear (for me), rather technical model of what ‘fit’ is between me and my clients. And if only one element of it is missing, I consider it not a fit. Feel free to take it or leave it, or adopt it for your work with all necessary adjustments.
‘Fit’ between a client and me, as a coach, in my work consists of three necessary parts:
1. If my client can mostly be himself or herself and not flinch in the coaching process. If they can show up in the process and are not forced to ‘hide’ the parts of themselves. In other words, can I hear a rather confident ‘Yes’ to the question – ‘Can you be yourself?’
2. If I can be mostly myself, and not flinch at my client, and step into my ‘powers’ as a coach to be fully present. In other words, can I give a confident ‘Yes’ to the question “Can I be myself with this client?”
3. The vision, or the goal, or the agenda the client brings to the coaching process - do I believe in it? Can I support it? And if my inner feeling goes ‘Nah, not in this lifetime will you see that happening’, then I must have the integrity to send this client to a place where they can be believed in. Because I will never allow myself to shatter anybody’s dreams. If I don’t believe in their agenda, I need to send them somewhere where they will get that faith in them. That is professional integrity for me.
The baseline for working with a client becomes more grounding with these conditions met:
- Can they be themselves?
- Can I be myself and present?
- Do I believe in their vision?
And if only one of these is not met, then the baseline is not established, and the process will likely be wrong for both parties.
One coach once said: “If you are dragging yourself through working with them at the introduction session, you will be dragging yourself through working with them throughout the entire process. Don’t accept that client.”
This framework isn’t just for coaches - it’s equally vital for clients to evaluate their side of the equation.
The question of ‘fit’ is MORE critical to the client, because they come into the process to grow. The coach/therapist BY DEFAULT carries MORE responsibility and is demanded MORE INTEGRITY in acknowledging these aspects and not wasting the client’s time.
And this is why:
A therapist/coach has MANY clients; these relationships are PROFESSIONALLY special, but not personally. In other words, a client is one of many for a therapist/coach.
On the contrary, for a client, relationships with a coach/therapist are professional, but also DEEPER on the personal level. There is more ‘investment’ on the client’s side. A client typically has ONE therapist/coach, so it is MORE critical to make the right choice.
It is more critical for clients to make the right choice, because it will affect their personal development. It is a little less important for a therapist.
I offer those who are looking for a coach/therapist to take this same ‘fit’ model and apply it from your end to the therapist/coach when you are making your choices.
As a client, you need to define these three parameters before you decide to work with a coach or a therapist:
1. Do you feel that you can be ‘yourself’ in this process? Can you show up with all your parts most of the time?
2. Do you feel that the therapist/coach you are exploring can be themselves with you?
3. Do you feel that your vision, goals, or agenda are believed in and supported?
It all comes back to self-awareness and taking responsibility. I hope this will help people on both sides of the equation to make better choices, exercise more integrity, and form productive coaching and therapeutic relationships.