“Who Am I?” is the question suggested for contemplation by many meditative practices and religions.
“Who Am I?” is the question ALL of us ask ourselves at various stages of life.
Answering “Who Am I?” at least temporarily, even incompletely, provides grounding and solace.
As long as I remember from my studies of psychology, the more defined, stable, and aware one’s identity is, the healthier a person is overall. The more undefined, unstable, and lacking is awareness an identity is, the greater the predisposition to unhealthy tendencies.
1. Defined Identity
We define ourselves through something, often through the relationships we have – as a mother, daughter, father, brother, husband, wife, or sister, etc. Or we define ourselves through professions, associations, location, nationality, culture, tribe, and even psychological traits (e.g., “I am kind, irritable, goal-oriented,” etc.). To have your identity defined within yourself requires a good mirroring environment and psychological safety in childhood.
2. Stable Identity
Whatever happens, we keep the FEELING of our identity more or less stable. It is a continuity of the self-perception and self-understanding. The more stable an identity is, the higher the overall psychological health, supposedly. When we experience identity shifts, it ripples through our mood and emotions – we get more unstable in our moods and emotions, and we can feel ‘a little lost’ or ‘a little depressed’. We tend to feel that we don’t know – who we are – until we stabilize. That feeling of ‘not knowing who we are’ is uncomfortable.
3. Self-Awareness
The more we understand who we are and the deeper we feel who we are, the better our self-management. This also contributes to overall well-being and a baseline of resilience in life, and thus contributing to overall psychological health.
Somehow, in the current social climate, these things are no longer ‘cool’:
Somehow, these days, the social media culture tells you that you can be anything, and even more – you can have a different identity at different times!
In fact, there is a notion that ‘fluid’ identity is a ‘thing’ of its own, and it is totally cool to be one thing today and another thing tomorrow, and just go creative after that – we are going to cheer!
I acknowledge the necessary exploration; it happens most during adolescence. I appreciate the risk-taking – until you try something, you won’t know if it belongs to your world of YOU. But every storm has to come to stillness. Every identity exploration has to lead to some stabilization, even temporary. Instead, I see encouragement for endless shifting.
How did we start seeing all of this upside-down?!
In my view, this creates a culture where destabilization is normalized. It is celebrated to have an unstable inner world, a fluid identity, and lack of grounding. This culture is deeply concerning to me: it leads to a propensity for mental challenges, loneliness, emotional instability, and, as a result, widespread depression and addictions.
I don’t have a solution; I have a concern.
We go through identity shifts all our lives as we mature and age. Some levels and periods of instability are normal and expected. But some are extremely destabilizing and even risky. For example, an extreme case of unstable identity would manifest as borderline personality disorder, and individuals with an unstable identity tend to fall into addictions, more or less, due to the internal need for stabilization of that internal feeling of ourselves and who we are.
It looks like we trade our identity – one of the cores of our psyche – for FUN. It is not funny. It is deeply concerning. There are so many problems that would not even have space to exist if we seriously addressed this culture of destabilization. I hope we will wake up soon.
I invite you to ask yourself once per day – “Who Am I?” And give one definitive answer before you head out to live your day. That way, at least on one dimension, you will know who you are. At least for that one day. Good job!
“Who Am I?” is the question ALL of us ask ourselves at various stages of life.
Answering “Who Am I?” at least temporarily, even incompletely, provides grounding and solace.
As long as I remember from my studies of psychology, the more defined, stable, and aware one’s identity is, the healthier a person is overall. The more undefined, unstable, and lacking is awareness an identity is, the greater the predisposition to unhealthy tendencies.
1. Defined Identity
We define ourselves through something, often through the relationships we have – as a mother, daughter, father, brother, husband, wife, or sister, etc. Or we define ourselves through professions, associations, location, nationality, culture, tribe, and even psychological traits (e.g., “I am kind, irritable, goal-oriented,” etc.). To have your identity defined within yourself requires a good mirroring environment and psychological safety in childhood.
2. Stable Identity
Whatever happens, we keep the FEELING of our identity more or less stable. It is a continuity of the self-perception and self-understanding. The more stable an identity is, the higher the overall psychological health, supposedly. When we experience identity shifts, it ripples through our mood and emotions – we get more unstable in our moods and emotions, and we can feel ‘a little lost’ or ‘a little depressed’. We tend to feel that we don’t know – who we are – until we stabilize. That feeling of ‘not knowing who we are’ is uncomfortable.
3. Self-Awareness
The more we understand who we are and the deeper we feel who we are, the better our self-management. This also contributes to overall well-being and a baseline of resilience in life, and thus contributing to overall psychological health.
Somehow, in the current social climate, these things are no longer ‘cool’:
- being defined – sure of yourself;
- being stable – showing up as yourself consistently;
- and being self-aware – knowing yourself well and being able to manage yourself well.
Somehow, these days, the social media culture tells you that you can be anything, and even more – you can have a different identity at different times!
In fact, there is a notion that ‘fluid’ identity is a ‘thing’ of its own, and it is totally cool to be one thing today and another thing tomorrow, and just go creative after that – we are going to cheer!
I acknowledge the necessary exploration; it happens most during adolescence. I appreciate the risk-taking – until you try something, you won’t know if it belongs to your world of YOU. But every storm has to come to stillness. Every identity exploration has to lead to some stabilization, even temporary. Instead, I see encouragement for endless shifting.
How did we start seeing all of this upside-down?!
In my view, this creates a culture where destabilization is normalized. It is celebrated to have an unstable inner world, a fluid identity, and lack of grounding. This culture is deeply concerning to me: it leads to a propensity for mental challenges, loneliness, emotional instability, and, as a result, widespread depression and addictions.
I don’t have a solution; I have a concern.
We go through identity shifts all our lives as we mature and age. Some levels and periods of instability are normal and expected. But some are extremely destabilizing and even risky. For example, an extreme case of unstable identity would manifest as borderline personality disorder, and individuals with an unstable identity tend to fall into addictions, more or less, due to the internal need for stabilization of that internal feeling of ourselves and who we are.
It looks like we trade our identity – one of the cores of our psyche – for FUN. It is not funny. It is deeply concerning. There are so many problems that would not even have space to exist if we seriously addressed this culture of destabilization. I hope we will wake up soon.
I invite you to ask yourself once per day – “Who Am I?” And give one definitive answer before you head out to live your day. That way, at least on one dimension, you will know who you are. At least for that one day. Good job!